"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me." Wrong, say two Cornell University experts in a new book. Emotional violence is not harmless but potentially devastating, if not lethal, they say. Bullying, harassment, intimidation, humiliation and stalking are pervasive, not only in today's urban schools but all over the country in suburban and even small-town schools, write co-authors James Garbarino, professor of human development, and Ellen deLara, a visiting fellow in the Family Life Development Center (FLDC) at Cornell.

In one of the few books to focus exclusively on all forms of bullying, And Words Can Hurt Forever: How to Protect Adolescents From Bullying, Harassment, and Emotional Violence (The Free Press), the two authors report that up to 77 percent of middle- and high-school students in small Midwestern towns have been bullied; and up to one-third of children in grades six through 10 are involved in serious, frequent bullying, either as bullies themselves or as victims. They describe the extent to which such emotional violence damages today's youth and what to do about it.

"Even in schools that adults consider safe, many children feel threatened, and the adults tend to be oblivious to this fact," says Garbarino, the co-director of FLDC. "In interviewing teens, we found that despite the good intentions of teachers and administrators, many schools inadvertently support and enable hostile and emotionally violent environments," he says. And even the best-intentioned parents are in the dark about the realities of emotional violence in the day-to-day experience of their kids at school.

"In fact, we found that adolescents themselves said they need more supervision at school," adds deLara. "This is counter to how we tend to think of what young people want from adults, which is the more typical 'leave us alone' attitude. All the kids we interviewed said they need adults to be more aware, provide more supervision and intervene on their behalf in the face of bullying, both physical and verbal."

Many teens think they must endure psychological stabbings because adults aren't going to do anything; others respond violently.

"One of the ways in which kids 'crack' is by being violent to themselves, and the worst of this is suicide," says Garbarino. In 1998-99, for example, 2,700 kids between ages 10 and 19 took their lives; and for every one that succeeded, many others tried. According to one 1998 survey, up to half of all high school kids have "seriously considered" suicide.

The 237-page book, intended for teachers, administrators, counselors and parents, covers the ramifications of emotional violence: who is likely to bully (including adults), who are the victims, power and groups among adolescents, sexual harassment and stalking, warning signs, how kids deal with bullying and specific strategies on what adults in the schools and parents can do.