To frame three personal vignettes on fear, courage and grace, the March 17 Soup and Hope speaker at Sage Chapel used Albert Einstein's question: "Is the universe fundamentally friendly or fundamentally hostile?"

"When I believe the universe is hostile," said Janis Whitlock, research scientist in the Family Life Development Center, lecturer and director of a program focused on adolescent self-injury, "I defend, take charge, control and impose my will on everything around me I can. I feel a deep need to reassure myself that I am worthy." But, she said, "In those moments when I am really steeped in knowing that the universe is fundamentally friendly ... I drop my defenses, my posturing, my fear and my need to control."

Whitlock recounted her story of fear, stemming from the chaos caused by having spent her childhood living in 12 different houses across four different cities and attending at least five schools and three different kindergartens. By age 14, Whitlock had developed a tough exterior and a drug habit that prompted her father to ground her for two weeks.

The grounding motivated Whitlock to change her life's direction; she realized that she wanted to leave home and go to college. But, to get her father's financial support, Whitlock would need to give up her drug use and distance herself from her drug-using friends.

"I remember being surprised at finding that I feared being emotionally exposed and unprotected more than anything else," she said. Whitlock overcame that fear, turned her life around and eventually graduated from college.

Whitlock's lesson on courage happened about 10 years later, when she was working with at-risk youth as a sexuality educator in Seattle. Rhonda, a 12-year-old, kept insisting that she was in part responsible for the repeated sexual abuse she endured, while Whitlock kept telling Rhonda that she was not. Eventually Whitlock conceded to Rhonda some responsibility for the events because she realized that "what Rhonda wanted [was] to make sense of her experiences and to experience herself as a full participant in her life -- even the parts in which she may have contributed to her own traumatization and pain." By stepping beyond her victimhood and investing in something greater than her fear, Rhonda demonstrated profound courage, Whitlock said. Rhonda is now a college graduate.

Some 15 years later, Whitlock said she learned grace. Whitlock had married, borne children, followed her husband to Cornell and finished a Ph.D. program in human development. With no local tenure-track faculty possibilities, she was torn between her desires for professional growth and her love of home.

She experienced a flash of insight while having dinner with one of her mentors, who, despite his astonishing academic achievements, was consumed by loneliness, alcoholism, heart troubles and disturbing familial memories. "If I harbored any belief, however subtle, that achieving great things in the eyes of the world would protect me from my fears, however deeply buried, they were dispelled that night," Whitlock said.

So, is the universe fundamentally friendly or fundamentally hostile? It depends on one's perception, Whitlock believes. "I have learned that fear is universal," Whitlock said. "I have also learned that grace is universal -- but only if it is beckoned by courage, the kind of courage that invites us into the kindness of the unknown."